Fraternities

Alright, innocent little boys, you are about to engage on an experience unlike any other. You too will have the choice to rush fraternities in the spring semester. You will be horrified and disgusted at the tasks in which you have to perform when you finally decide on which fraternity to join. Pledging is a bitch. Circle jerks, anyone?

First, though, you must decide which frats you think "fit you best". It really doesn't matter though, it's all up to the frats to decide whether or not they want you. Here is a list of fraternities, according to social standing.

Sig Nu:
Roofies, roofies, roofies. These boys are the biggest assholes at Duke University. The stereotypical SigNu is from New York (Long Island), however, if you are a big enough douchebag, you can definitely fit in. SigNus get to fuck the finest girls on campus (Pi Phis especially). Standard dress code: Preppy as hell: polos, collared shirts, no shirts at all, khaki pants, plaid pants, etc.
If you aren't a SigNu or in another "cool" frat, don't even bother to look in their direction. They're too cool for you.

KA:
Ka is calling all southern, conservative boys at Duke. If you love George W. Bush and speak with a Southern drawl, KA is the frat for you! KA climbed the social ladder a lot this year, drawing in a lot of the best freshman guys on campus (even letting a black guy in this year!)

SAE:
SAEs, now ADPhis, challenge the SigNus in the asshole department. SAEs are the rich guys on campus, in a newly off-campus frat. SAEs throw the parties with the drugs. No drug is off-limits to these guys, and they love to share these drugs with sorority girls in exchange for....yeah you get the idea. Watch out for these guys, they think they're better than everyone else, and get belligerently drunk. For example, SAEs were stupid enough to take on the football team on last day of classes in front of deans and cops. Twice. Enough said.

Kappa Sig:
Kappa Sigs are chill guys. This is why sorority girls love them. They throw exclusive parties all the time with the Pi Phis tagging along, and some Tridelts and Kappas. A few Thetas might be lost in the crowd. There are actually a growing number of international kids in this frat, so if you are international, chill, and cool, definitely look to pledging Kappa Sig (even though their pledge is a bitch.)
Kappa Sig is probably the biggest stoner frat, and causes irreversible liver damage to its pledges.

Delta Tau Delta (DTD):
DTD is also climbing the social ladder from last year. They have a very eclectic group of guys, all of which know how to party. DTD loves the liquor, but also indulges in weed, coke and sometimes meth.
When it comes to pledging, these guys are closer than any other group on campus. DTD is also known as "Dudes Touching Dudes", and for good reason.
DTD throws one of the biggest parties of the year, Iced Out on Spice Street. Odds are you won't get in, though, and will find yourself wandering around Chapel Hill (that is, unless you are special enough or know enough of the guys to go VIP.)

Alpha Tau Omega (ATO):
ATO is nice. That's it. Just nice. They don't do anything really. They drink Busch Lite. They get a few good girls from the core four. But, really, they're kind of useless.

Pi Kappa Alpha (Pike):
Freshman love pikes during first semester. They are the "coolest" frat in the eyes of those wandering to west in search for beer. And that's all you'll get with Pike: beer. However, throughout the year, you will learn slowly that Pike is full of a bunch of sketchy, loser guys who are just trying to trick the freshman into thinking they're cool. They're not bad guys, but trust me, they're definitely not cool. Pikes don't really get much ass from the core four, but there are always just a few exceptions. The only good thing that Pike does is a huge party, Pikes of the Caribbean, every few years. Until then, they're lost in the sea of other frats and section parties.

SigEp:
SigEps love the ADPis, so they're not short of girls. They're just weird. If you want to hang out with a bunch of nice, weird guys who get cute, nice girls, then go SigEp. They like...um...to drink sometimes...but they're still just weird.

AEPi:
They're just Jewish. Check the mirror: if you're Jewish, have curly hair, have a big nose, or anything like that, this is the frat for you. End of story.

SigChi:
SigChi is the Alpha Phi of fraternities. You just kind of forget they exist.

Theta Chi:
Recently gone off campus, Theta Chi throws Wednesday Night Drinking Club every Wednesday. It's a great place to meet other freshman, but you soon get over it after first semester, and kind of regret the association with the frat. You try to redeem your reputation fast.
That's all they ever do, though: WNDC.

Beta:
Can you even consider these guys a frat? They think they're the biggest stoners on campus. They suck and their weed sucks. Don't go there. They had no pledges and handed out bids to everyone who came to open house. You shouldn't have to beg for pledges. They're pathetic.

Pi Kappa Phi:
It seems like every day there is a new flyer for a PiKap party. Don't go. Ever. Their loserdom will rub off onto guys, and they will try to date rape girls. They don't get ass.

Delta Kappa Epsilon (Deke):
Deke is the biggest fucking bunch of faggots.

PhiDelt:
I take that back. This is the biggest bunch of faggots.
If you suck dick, this is the frat for you. And the sorority.

Extenuating Circumstances:
Due to extreme changes this past year, I really couldn't incorporate Delta Sig into the frat rankings. Last year, Delta Sig easily rested on top of the other fraternities on campus, consisting off all the athletes, and scoring the hottest pussy. However, after a poor pledge class this past rush, it's hard to define Delta Sig. The upperclassmen in Delta Sig are still some of the coolest kids on campus. I really can't quite say the same for the new pledges in Delta Sig. Hopefully, next year Delta Sig can redeem their spot on top, or at least as one of the best frats at Duke.